My name will be anonymous because I don’t want anyone I know in real life knowing about this account..
I’m 14 years old and I was recently diagnosed with depression, anxiety, & insomnia. On top of that, EDNOS. I have done gymnastics since I was 6 until I was 12. Gymnastics kept me in good shape, but gave me huge bulky thighs that I’ve always been uncomfortable with.. I’m short (5’2) so I need to be really skinny. All of my friends are skinnier than I am and for once, I want to be comfortable in my body, I want to feel okay if my thighs spread out, which means that they have to get really small. But my wanting to be fit, thin, and healthy, quickly turned into something a little bit more severe.. I’m obsessed with losing weight and being skinny. All I can think is the calories I consumed for the day, how much I need to work out to burn them all off, how long it will take me to get thin. I try to be healthy, but I hate myself when I eat. I can’t even eat 1,000 calories in a day. Everyone constantly tells me I’m very skinny, but I truly don’t see it at all. Everyone can be “concerned” and say that “everyone is built differently and I’m perfect the way I am” or “You’re 14… you don’t need to worry about that”. 1. I am trying my hardest to be healthy and it’s not like I’m successful at losing weight anyways. There is no need to be concerned. 2. I don’t care if everyone is built differently. I want to be perfect. I want to be more comfortable in my body. 3. I don’t care if I’m 14. I’ll worry about my weight all I want. I just want to be beautiful and confident. I want to love myself. In the end, that’s my goal.
My eating habits have changed back to normal, my insomnia disappeared but I’m still terribly depressed. It’s worse at certain times, I tried killing myself but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I haven’t been on this blog in months but my mom just called me fat and it set me off. I’m going back to my old ways, not eating, living off of green tea, water, and exercise. I will get this stupid thigh gap, I will reach my goal and have mouths drop for me.
Haven’t been on this blog in ages. I got completely better. I got fat. 111 pounds and disgusting. I was happy for a long time, I was fit and healthy. Then I got a boyfriend, didn’t exercise, lost myself. I became self conscious because he grabs me and there’s so much to grab. I started running immediately after, aiming for at least 5 miles a day and then other workouts on top of that. I’m trying to burn off everything I eat and I will get thin and my hip bones will just out and my thighs will barely touch and my stomach will be perfect and I’ll be perfect and everyone will envy my body like I envy everyone else’s body now.